Formal Wear Overview
PS. My alternative advice will always be: Wear whatever the fuck you want that’s formal…as long as it matches of course… but here’s some gender neutral things anyone can pull off for those that can’t do that. I will be posting pictures and links.
Vests- V-neck vests are pretty gender neutral these days. I have one I wear for formal events sometimes (and I identify as a woman for what it’s worth). They do make them fitted for women and men; a slim men’s one will fit someone with boobs though and some women’s ones would fit a slimmer guy. Getting a deeper v will pull off a more “feminine look” if that’s what you want, vests come in so many styles and cuts you can pull off any look you want. (ps for ftm getting a more shallow v-neck will make your chest appear smaller, and vice versa for mtf ) Vests really are quite amazing and in my opinion a really good investment. Try a bunch of styles until you find one that fits well and gives you the look you want.
Shirts- so depending on how formal this event is there’s a plethora of things to choose from. I guess I’ll start with button downs; that’s probably your best bet (and what you wear under a vest). So basically the plainer you go the more gender neutral you will be. They tend to make men’s shirts in a wider variety of size options (aka broad shoulder, slim, broad chest sizes) The main idea is to see what fits best. I find many people think “if I get something that doesn’t fit I’ll look less feme/masculine” This is NOT true. You should always get clothes that fit, the difference is in HOW it fits. I will tell you I can find a shirt from the mens section that will FIT me and make me look less feme at the same time. Don’t be discouraged by thinking you’ll never have clothes that fit. Basically A straight cut plain men’s shirt will look fine on anyone if they get the right size and it also looks great with a vest. If you like patterns I say go for it(just don’t mix patterns). Basically the style is up to you. Chest ruffles/pleats are really cool/gender neutral alternative to a tie, also anything with interesting buttons. Vneck button downs are generally made for women but if you want you can achieve the same look with a mens shirt by not buttoning it all the way. (ftm- if you want to make your chest appear smaller don’t shy away from things that fit, get a men’s shirt that fits around your chest but fits looser around your waist, mtf- getting a tailored shirt will make your chest appear bigger and draw attention to your hips).
Ties and accessories- ok so your shirt and vest are too plain for you you’d love a tie but perhaps it isn’t gender neutral enough for you. Well first there are ties made for men and women. I would say a slimmer tie would be more gender neutral, using a different knot will also help (look up tie knots and find one that suits you ps Pratt knot). Ascots and bows are also a great alternative, find one you like and go for it. Tie safety- plain shirt = patterned tie, patterned shirt = plain tie: This will never fail you as long as the colors don’t clash.
Bottoms- ok this is where thing become difficult, I would urge you not to give up there is something for everyone. Basically because of the shit society skirts are off the table. However if you are under some pressure to wear one, the plainer the better, get one that fits but comes down straight from your hips rather than fanning out or fitting to your legs try to get a low-rise one meaning fits around your hips not your waist (ftm kilt = super manly, think about it). For dresses I’d say the same; nothing that’s too tailored but still something that fits, not v-neck. A nice pair of slacks are really gender neutral though and come in men and women’s sizes, a straight leg would be best, fitted at hips/lowrize (ftm no pinstripes will draw less attention to curves)(mtf try getting something wider at the bottom like bellbottoms)
Shoes- anyone can pull off a nice pair of flats. Get something you like there’s certainly a lot to choose from so don’t worry (again for gender neutral the plainer the better/ generally with shoes I’d say the simpler the better anyways). Fashion wise- a nice simple pair of black/gray flats will go with almost anything or at least not clash with what you wear.